DAD STORIES: “TROUT”

I went to the store with my old man.

“Oh my word, Andy! A rainbow trout shirt!”

He runs over to the rack and tries on the shirt. He does not go to the dressing room to do this.

“Doggonit! It’s too revealing!”

“It’s too revealing?”

“Way too revealing! People will think I’m trying to show off!”

“I’ve never heard a man describe a tight shirt as too revealing. They usually just say it’s too tight.”

“I’m sure glad you got me to make fun of!”

“Sorry.”

“Geez O’ Pete! They got ‘Galaxy Quest’ on sale for $3.99! That’s my favorite movie!”

“Yeah, looks like DVDs are three for 10. But don’t you already have Galaxy Quest?”

“I can’t find it, I think your mother hid it!”

“I don’t think she would do that.”

“Oh yes she would! She hated that I loved it so much! Here’s what we’re going to do: we’re going to get three copies, two for me and one for grandma!”

“One for grandma?”

“Yes, and you’re going to be the one to give it to her. That will make her so happy!”

He hands me a copy.

“Ok.”

“And then I’ll keep one copy in the family room and another where your mother will never find it, maybe your old room. Is that where you hid your drugs when you were a kid?!”