DAD STORIES: “KEYS”

My old man pulls up.

“Andy, get in! We’re meeting grandma for breakfast! We gotta go right now! She’s hungry!”

I get in his truck.

“What do you have in your hands?!”

“My keys.”

“Put ’em in my glovebox, we gotta go! Listen to me very carefully, I have a poinsettia in my backseat and I’m going to give it to grandma and she’s going to love it, but I need you to remind me that I have it back there or else I’m going to forget!”

We pull up to the diner. We get out and walk in to meet my grandma. We have breakfast, we get back in his truck and we drive off. He sees the poinsettia in his backseat.

“Andy, doggonit! You didn’t remind me to get that damn poinsettia! You did it on purpose!”

“No I didn’t, I forgot too.”

“Well I’m not going to remind you about your keys in my glovebox! This is what happens when you forget about stuff!”

We pull up to my car. I open the glovebox, grab my keys and step out of the truck.

“You remembered your keys!”

“Well yeah, I can’t leave without them.”

“See, you pretend to be absentminded like me, so you can make me feel bad about forgetting my mother’s poinsettia because you think it’s funny but then you remember your keys! Sometimes I don’t even know why I take you to breakfast! Are you spending Christmas eve at our house?”